Where Do I Fit in the Big Scheme?

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This post has 363 words. 

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Change

Change is inevitable. Although we know this, it takes life events to make us know, see, and respect it. 

This year has been filled with deep personal changes. My mother-in-law, a close family member that lived with her and my grandmother died. My son graduated from high school. I achieved a special honor in my professional life. We just welcomed our newest grandchild into the family on Monday, AJ. 

Change is inevitable. Some we look forward to, some we try to avoid. 

In less than a month my son leaves for the U.S. Coast Guard—a huge change for him. He’s entering the next phase of his life—a space of greater self-reliance and accountability. He will be challenged in ways we haven’t discussed.

Questioning

With this change (the next learning experience along his rites of passage journey) comes the question. A question everyone reading this has asked “Where do I fit in the big scheme of things?” I tell him he is better off at 18 years old than I was when I was that age. But, the question is the same. It is a scary question. All of us yearn for a deep sense of place, a deep sense of belonging, of mattering. 

In a recent conversation I asked him “As you move into this next stage of your life, what is your biggest concern?” 

His answer (simplified here) “Where I fit. How will being in the military jive with who I am as a person.”  

As parents, we do our best with the tools we have to raise our children to face the world. Our hope is simple; that we’ve given them enough to answer the big question. As much as we would like otherwise they MUST answer the “Where do I fit in the big scheme of things?” question for themselves. 

The journey to “know thy self…to thy own self be true” has truly now begun for my son. 

Change the World Answer the Question

Son I love you! I am proud of you! I’ve given you the best (and sometimes the worst) of me. Now, go change the world—answering the big question along the way! 

Peace,

How Your Legacy Changes the World

When we think of the word legacy most often family comes to mind. I have expanded that view. Legacy not only encompasses my immediate family but my extended, self-declared family. These folks taught me more perfectly the concepts I’ve embraced as a husband and father.

The Rites of Passage Program is preventive; helping the young man successfully navigate the turbulent waters of adolescence journeying into manhood. When we execute this training correctly the young man creates a legacy that can last generations. It starts early with our concerted efforts. Since I’ve been taught I eagerly pass those teachings on to my son.

My “teachers” have included older men and women at the Miami Gardens Church of Christ. The lessons imparted have corrected and admonished, coached and guided, challenged and encouraged. By them I’m a better father. Empowered, I now have a worthy legacy to leave my son. Embraced, he will be empowered to cultivate a rich heritage with his own family. Regardless how humble or unwholesome your upbringing has been you have the power to choose a different family (when your natural family hasn’t modeled good things). Adopting your expanded family can lead to a positive legacy and heritage. Positive male-lessons must be passed on, through this; life-draining cycles are broken and replaced with life-affirming behaviors.

Following is a short list of concepts worthy to be passed on:

• Keep God first
  
• Fathers stay home
  
• Husbands love your wife
  
• Fathers don’t provoke your children
  
• Parental influence reaches into the future
  

Simple lessons, yet not taught to our boys. Though not expressly listed in our Rites of Passage Program; empowering young black boys to fully embrace their manhood can lead naturally to embracing these lessons. And when this connection is made positive legacy and heritage germinates and flourishes.

What is your legacy, your family heritage—how did those things develop in you? Share your legacy with the young men around you; doing so changes the world.