Boys' Rites of Passage

Our Sons' Futures

Posts Tagged ‘the village’

Corrective Discipline with Teen Boys

Posted by Thomas on January 12, 2012

I am now a Big Brother with the Big Brother Big Sisters organization. Because of the things I’ve done with my son and his rites of passage training I also have a family member that has diligently asked that I take time up with her son. Both of the young men have tried the patience of their parents and family over the last month. Being disrespectful, storming out of the house, throwing things–their behavior has been such that with each boy in separate incidences the police were called.

How do you get adolescent boys to line up straight? How do we as the loving, caring, and concerned adults in their lives deliver corrective discipline?

Over several weeks now as I’ve heard each exhausted mother explain the issues and situations they have dealt with their sons I considered my own. The problems they are experiencing I did not while raising my son. As a concerned male figure in both of these young men’s lives I need to find my role. They are not my children–BUT–I am a part of their Village. I’ve been challenged to find the balance of discipline and guidance as a Village member. These situations have also made me think about some of the corrective discipline actions I’ve taken with my own son through the years (actions some around me called outrageous at the time).

What are your thoughts? If you are a Village member in the life of a teen boy who is displaying undesired behavior how have you handled it?



Posted in Rants | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

The Formalization of Your Village

Posted by Thomas on December 16, 2011

Before you continue: 

This post has 299 words. 

On average, it will take you less than 3 1/2 minutes to read.

When it comes to a rites of passage program for boys a key component needed to execute the program and final ceremony is the child’s village. As parents our circle of family and friends makes up that village as I wrote about in What Does Your Village Look Like.

For a moment let’s step outside the confines of a rites of passage program into manhood and speak in simple parenting terms. Whoever we as parents associate with while we are rearing our children those people will influence our children (as much or as little as we allow consciously). Thus it behooves us (parents) to be extremely mindful of the people we allow into our lives. “What is that person’s character and how will it impact me and my children?” is a good starting question.

No parent raises a healthy well-adjusted son or daughter alone. We all need the guidance, support, and encouragement of other parents during our journey. Beyond the support from others we need that extended web of family and friends to be just as conscientious as we are about guiding our son successfully into responsible manhood.

The members of your village can come from any sphere of your life. They can be of different heritage and lineage. Village members can have different beliefs and family traditions from your family. The important thing is the village shares your core beliefs surrounding family, love, and support related to raising your son to be his best self.

Mark Morey has an awesome post on his blog about the formalization of his village. It is an inspiring story how we can consciously turn the mundane into the sacred as we support ourselves and other parents along the journey of parenthood resulting in guiding our sons to be their best selves.


Posted in Rites of Passage Program | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »