Boys' Rites of Passage

Our Sons' Futures

Posts Tagged ‘manage’

Why a Woman Cannot Teach a Boy the Intricacies of Growing into Manhood

Posted by Thomas on October 24, 2009

Before you continue:

  • This post has 378 words
  • On average it takes less than 3 minutes to read entirely
  • The article freely gives you personal insight into intricacies we face raising boys

In my twenties (I am forty in less than a year) I wanted five children. With two boys, I looked forward to having a baby girl. When that never happened, I often longed for a daughter and wondered why God held back.

Fast forward to the present; I consider all the people I know with daughters of various ages and I realize if I had daughter(s) as a single dad, I would have struggled tremendously. Example: I have a friend and when her daughter went through the first stages of getting her menstrual cycle the girl cried, cramped, and was completely unbearable to be around (hormones and all). Her mother, as a woman, innately related. As a man, I would have been useless to her.

That holds true for women raising boys (without a man). There are things females genuinely do not understand when it comes to males.

Example: when the 13 year old boy is standing at the school bus stop; sees the girl that he has a mad crush on; gets an erection; realizes he doesn’t have any underwear on; and has to cover himself with his book-bag to hide his embarrassment—a woman doesn’t understand. His mother asks something like “that happened just by looking at the girl?” His father says, “Boy, put some drawers on” and leaves it at that, because he knows that erection is one of countless to occur throughout the day.

The boy’s mother says “boy, what in the hell is wrong with you?” because he appears to be filled with anger, confusion, and the desire to “destroy” things. His father sees those outputs as excess energy needing direction; i.e., some sport. Dad knows—he has been there.

Learning manhood involves so many things. Mom teaches: respect, politeness, how to treat a woman, how to wash and iron clothes, and more—all needed skills. Only a man can teach a boy what it takes to keep one’s body under control: his anger and his sexuality. Those things for an adolescent male are more important than having on clean socks and pressed slacks.

Fathers and mothers both have vital roles to play in raising boys. Thankfully, we (dads and moms) fill in the gap for what may be lacking in the other.


Posted in African American Men, Black Boys, Black Dads, Black Fathers, Dads | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Scaling Down Rites of Passage Ceremony Due to Space

Posted by Thomas on January 24, 2009

Scaling down is okay

Scaling down is okay

Back in December I gave myself until January 15th to find a place to have the Rites of Passage Ceremony. Deadline, came and went. Though I have a solid contact for a place, the size forces me to scale down the Rites of Passage Ceremony. What follows is my original concept for the ceremony and how I envision scaling it down.

Original ceremony components:

  • Live band
  • Catered
  • Server-assisted food line 
  • Hors d’oeuvre
  • Dance floor
  • Multimedia setup
  • Tables/chairs for up to 100 people
  • Solo singer
  • Spoken word presenters
  • Professional photographer

Scaled down ceremony:

  • CD player
  • Food prepared by family and friends
  • Multimedia setup
  • Tables/chairs for 75 people
  • Encouraging speakers
  • Photos by family and friends

I had grand visions of an extremely nice banquet-like ceremony. Reality is we don’t have the space, time, or funds for that scale. Homegrown infused with love, honor, respect, and praise will concretely replace pageantry.

There is no shame in scaling back your original vision. Remember what’s really important in all of this. As always, I hope our sharing makes your experience that much better. We welcome your comments.

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Posted in Rites of Passage Ceremony | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »