Boys' Rites of Passage

Our Sons' Futures

The Reflections of Me in Him – Part 1

Posted by Thomas on December 8, 2010

Before you continue:

This post has 479 words.

On average it will take you less than 5 minutes to read.

18 years of age is a milestone to say the least. My only son hits it in a few short weeks. I still see the baby while 


See yourself better in those around you

 nurturing the man in him. I see reflections of me in him during this transition period. That image vibrating back to me gives me deep pause and causes equally deep reflections.

I turned 40 in 2010. A transition, I’m coming to believe, equally as vital as my son’s continue entrance into full manhood. In watching him ponder and make deliberate decisions that will impact his life I’ve done the same. For 5 years now I’ve taken the last few weeks of the year to consider the year gone, the year coming and assess missed or accomplished goals. I’m in that process now. This year has been internally tough for me. 

My wife and I still have our jobs (although she endured a slight pay cut). We still live in our home (although the mortgage isn’t sent on time). We still have our health (despite the pain she experiences daily and my hospital stay and health scare circa 2009). Our son by all accounts is a good son (but we all know how challenging adolescence and the journey to adulthood can be). My family is small (two sisters from my mom; one of which retired from the military and is back home this year – SIS YOU ROCK!! My dad had other children, but I’m not deeply connected to them; I am working on that though). Lastly, although my faith in God is intact it suffered this year. By all accounts we are doing okay. 

99% of the goals I set for myself this year never materialized. So, filled with endless pride, I look at my son and consider some of the decisions he’s facing: go to college or the military; pursue this career or that career; follow my creative spirit or forego it, I think of myself. Frailties, shortcomings, doubt, and fear are a part of the human DNA. In my reflections I’ve come to realize, having these and many other less-than-positive traits isn’t the problem, but how we face and handle them is what derails us. 

I didn’t accomplish many of my goals this year for various reasons but the core I believe fits under one heading: self-centeredness. When I look at him (my son) that is what I see in me. His life journey serves as a catalyst and barometer for mine. Okay—what is all this esoteric mumble-jumble really about? This sums it up. 

I’ve been mad about my life station “I should be here by now, instead of where I am…blah, blah, blah”. There’s nothing wrong with hitting this space, humans will do that. Problem is remaining there—in kicks self-centeredness. I turned my energies inward (thinking it was a good thing on some levels) forsaking those around me. 

Read part 2 of The Reflections of Me in Him 



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